Think back at the time that impacted you so profoundly, it caused you to change. Or maybe something traumatic happened to you and that altered your perspective on life. Truthfully, science tells us that trauma changes our psyche and physiological brain.
I know, I have the tendency to just go in with the hammer on certain subjects and for many, it is very uncomfortable. I get it. We don’t want to share those deep things. I’ve come to learn and be okay with sharing me because in it, comes healing. And as much as I need to share to heal, it blessed [benefits] others who allow it to.
There’s a story of the woman at the well in the Book of Matthew, 4. The woman goes to the well to draw water and a man by the name of Jesus, asks her for a drink. She’s frazzled by his request because her people, the Samaritans don’t get along with the Jews. A decades feud at the time, about a temple being built and some confusion in between, has set people at odds to the point they would not even pass through the land in which they lived.
So, this woman stares into the eyes of the Messiah, and he tells her all the things she has done, past and present. In that moment she finds freedom through the eyes of the Redeemer, Jesus who did not shame her.
A beautiful story of self discovery, that has been told time again. Each time I read it, it warms my heart and reminds me that in His eyes and through Jesus, God sees me a clean and whole.
I’ve lived a life before Christ that was reckless. I’ve shared about it in my book “Crowned in Beauty: a devotional of songs and the testimonies that inspired them,”
which is why I kept the name and God led me to turn it into this ministry.
The life before Christ was hurt, burdened, lost, suicidal, always at odds, insecure, filled with shame, discouraged, powerless.
That word there: powerless. In my mind I was afraid, and allowed the lies of abuse overtake my mind. On the outside people saw confidence and some times crazy behavior, which I know now I was just living my life entertaining people. Looking like a fool but God still held me through as I searched for HIS eternal truth.
I was a captive slave, bound to the past I lived in my mind.
In November of 2022, a friend of mine who is also my mentor asked that I write a skit for a freedom retreat she was hosting. I shared about the skit turned spoken word, “Bound and Captive” in a previous post. You can listen to it here on Youtube https://youtu.be/L_GMmyX13nQ?si=-xlGEkXkBsSV3psR
For years, I held on to so much dark pain and sought out counseling, took medication to get “away’ from this pain but I carried it in my mind and through my actions. Through the years as a teen my infatuation with the occult resulted in initiation in my early 20s. Sacrifices, money spent, cigars and cleanses, rituals involving cow tongues and vodka continued to alter my mind and perception of what "Freedom" was. That Freedom would be a person and have a name.I was a captive slave, bound to the past I lived in my mind.
1.You can’t be free when you continuously bind yourself to the enemy.
We read in Isaiah 61 that “The spirit of the Lord has come upon me, to bring freedom to the captives,” Words Jesus read when visiting the temple, which were written hundreds of years before his birth. Prophetic words.
Now that I have been walking with The Lord for the past 15 years, I would like to share something personal with you. Because words have power of life and death.
2.There is an enemy after your soul. He will take from it little by little and deceive you into thinking it’s just one tarot card reading, it’s just a one night stand, it’s just a glimpse at the thing that you struggle with and want to so bad stop doing or thinking. It’s just, well no one will know.
God does, and He sees everything. Sometimes I am embarrassed at myself for doing the stupid things I sometimes do, but grace. Yes, that’s my secret- I do stupid things too and I am not perfect.
You see, at this retreat in Alabama, the Lord delivered me from the grip the enemy had on my soul. Throughout the years, he was taking from me small portions at a time. He is crafty and subtle. He sees the desperation of human kind to want to be loved and they urgency we display for it. I was there, I brought my heart, my mind, my strength and I fought for my soul at that retreat.
People think that demons are scary. Well friend not when you come in the full armor of Christ because our struggle from what the Bible tells us is not carnal. Think of the man with the legions of demons he had. My heart just cries out for this man. In Luke 8, the man hides friend, hides in the caves to cut himself. How much pain and suffering do you have to be in to go to the extent of hiding out in a cave to destroy yourself? That is why satan is called the adversary, the tormentor, because HE IS REAL. He is after your soul. Not your looks, not your bank account and not your wife or husband. He is after souls. So these things that make you human, your mind, will and emotions are what cause you to give up on yourself when you are walking outside of the will of God.
I released the pains of my abuse. But I only did it by walking in God’s strength and COMPLETELY surrendering myself to the blood of Christ. The blood of Christ has power because the blood is the lifeline and without it we can not live.
When the blood of Jesus, that first drop touched the ground where he was being beaten it was to save you. Nothing like a Mel Gibson directed movie. Whipped, punched, bruised, tore, literal flesh torn. Humiliated, mocked, slapped. And still people just watch. I would hate to see what that would look like today in the day we live in. Would people take out their phones and film it? That first drop of blood began to cover the world for our sins.
That Jesus would know what he would encounter, the pain, the physical pain he would encounter just to save your soul. That is how much he loves you. That is how he came to set you free, through his blood. Because the sacrifices that you can read about throughout the book of Leviticus, endless sacrifices and offerings for generations weren’t enough. Imagine each day, the smell of burnt animal flesh, the smell of the blood, that the Levitical priest had to tolerate for the Israelites. And I say tolerate because I am pretty sure it was hard for them to do, but it was required and an act of obedience.
The generations later, God sends Jesus ONE TIME, for you. For me, For all. That is LOVE.
Friend, what do you continue to allow in your life and mind that causes torment? I’m sorry that, that person left you, abandoned you, hurt you physically, possibly took a one of your loved one’s life, or betrayed you.
You are so precious. You really are. It has taken me decades to believe that I am. I believe it because what Jesus did on the cross, the last breath he took was the end of our pain we would face if we don't choose Him.
Points to remember.
1.You can’t be free when you continuously bind yourself to the enemy.
2.There is an enemy after your soul.
Only if you choose Him and accept Him into your heart. He loves you dearly and came to earth, walked this earth with you on His mind because He loves you. So what will you chose today? I beg you, chose Jesus. He will redeem you like the woman at the well. He will deliver you like the demon-possesed man into BEAUTY. He will set you FREE, but YOU must believe it in your heart and confess that He is Lord. With time, and God fearing people discipling you, it will be worth it.
I am living proof of it.
You are Crowned in Beauty,