Friend, I know the feeling of going through life and wondering if and when things will change for the better. They do and will only if we allow God to shape our hearts and draw closer to Him.
Looking back to move ahead.
I spent decades trying to escape from thoughts, habits and memories that were meant to destroy me and my character, and this year 2023 I learned that true deliverance begins with repentance.
In January of this year I was asked to write a short skit about freedom for a Freedom retreat I was attending by one of mentors and close friends, Denise Keeter (pictured in last photo on the left). Little did I know that the words I started to pen were that of a story of self, unfolding the trauma I had for years, and my surrender to Christ. Thankfully I have gifted friends, in which one of them was able to perform at that retreat. (Rebekah Young, voiced the spoken word. Youtube link below)
I titled the skit "Bound and Captive," and recorded it as a spoken word. It's a story of a girl who battled in her mind with shame and guilt. Later discovering that she had allowed herself to be captive by the enemy, but saved by God's grace and finally surrendered and walked into true freedom in Christ.
Could this possibly be part of your story?
Hope and breakthroughs waiting for your honesty with self? There is power in the blood of Christ, this year I learned its power, and because of that I am here sharing my heart and the work.
This battle is one that by the grace of God I have been delivered from. At that Freedom retreat I met a beautiful and joy-filled woman Jill Hatchett. She invited myself, Elias and my actress friend (pictured below) to share at her women's event, "Moving Beyond Conference," with F.A.S.T. GIRL INC hosted. Here's her ministries link if you'd love to support her ministry and/ or learn more.https://www.fastgirlinc.com
( above Jill Hatchett Founder and CEO of F.A.S.T. GIRL INC)
While attending the conference, I was reminded of the power of words and that many women are holding on to so many hurts from their pasts. The power in a performance can re-open wounds that haven't been healed, but if we allow those wounds hope through Jesus we can be delivered because words are power and The Word is the only source that delivers us from oppression. My talented friend, Rebekah Young, a sister in Christ can be heard on the voice-over here.https://youtu.be/L_GMmyX13nQ
(Pictured on the right). Her performance helped me to visually see and hear words that I thought I was simply "writing" become a part of my healing. Seeing the burden of shame and guilt and then the transformation of what Christ can and does do come to life reminded me of how God uses every part of our story. I praise the Lord for her because she gave life to a pain in me that I believed was dead. A pain that grew dormant.
I could go on about many things but I want to leave you with a prayer before you actually get to reading "Bound and Captive."
My prayer is that as you read these words you would let Jesus take your burdens by being reconciled to Him through forgiving yourself and others for anything you are holding onto and is keeping you from freedom. God doesn't waste a tear, a trial, a hardship. He uses all things, all things for His greater good and purpose. I pray these words below would speak to the depths of your heart.
-You ARE Crowned in Beauty and in His image.
Kimberly Lecar
(left to right Denise Keeter, Rebekah Young, and myself)
“Bound and Captive”©Crowned in Beauty LLC 2023
Written by Kimberly Lecar
Performed by Rebekah Young
Bound.
Bound by the shackles of this world that bring temporary pleasures left unmeasured, so I keep giving in.
Giving into a thought, a like, wanting more likes and comments.
Leaving desires that pull me away from myself.
From the real me, that is in me, that could be free,
But I’m bound.
Bound by the likings of a man, maybe a woman or a drug, an obsession that keeps pulling me into secrecy, living a life of mediocrity that is best when I settle into it and rest.
So I don’t pursue or use the things in this mind, this world that I’ve created inside my mind.
Because I’m bound.
Bound to the used to be.
Used to be caught in the middle of the drama.
The baby mama with all the drama.
Too involved in the, he said she said.
Said what?
Who cares?
I was a used to be.
A be all that I can be.
But not be.
Because, It was never me who was; simply being.
These memories haunt me.
They try to pull my soul apart.
Like I’m in the middle of uproar, feeling torn, with these demons that won’t depart.
So I stay bound to the thoughts that maybe this world is better o without me.
Why would anyone want me?
What do they even see in me?
Lost and Bound
By the pains I’ve inflicted upon myself because if I’m honest that’s what feels safe.
So it’s Captive.Trapped, Enslaved.
A destruction of self portrayed.
Lies surround me, the world struts proudly.
I guess we’re all bound to something?
Maybe there’s a mystery in this wrestling?
I heard Jacob wrestled.
Wrestled with a God, the God that gave him a new name.
How do I keep myself from wrestling?
Even after His blood washed me clean.
Sometimes I still see these bound hands, these shadows of shame that won’t go away.
I’ve been told things like,
Wait on the Lord,
Seek Him First,
Be still and know,
But how?
I’ve heard He heals the broken-hearted,He binds up their wounds?
That He came to set the captives free,
They say He is “Elohim, God Almighty, the Prince of Peace,”
That He is Lord of Lords,
and His word is power.
But how can this be?
Bruised knees, not feeling free.
Maybe His peace is too far from me?
When I’m in this battle in my mind with the used to be.
In those alley ways.
As I covered my face.
Back staircases that led to crammed spaces.
Fear gripped me, so I kept quiet.
Confused by mind games.
But to some, I was defiant.
Later I found a way to survive this lie, this curse.
I just turned o reality and let fear do its work.
I’ve kept myself captive!
A captive of the used to be.
Used to be a drunk.
Used to be a whore.
Used to be a thief.
Used to be abused.
Used to be put down and forced.
Used to do all the things I was made to do.
Used to.
Used to live in fear.
Used to be all I never wanted to be.
Oh, God take these ashes of this used to be!
Take my mourning, take my despair, Lord I don’t care.
I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.
Because now I know it is Christ living in me.
An Act of love.
A new creation, beauty for ashes.
I find my heart yearning to be more like Him.
For that crown of life, for His crown of glory.
Because even in the used to be, He still used my story.
Meditating and Praying,
On the beauty of the crown of thorns,
That was placed on his head and the temple's veil was torn.
Now I’m bound.
Bound in His love that brings freedom.
Captive by His grace.
Bound by the love and this truth that I’ve learned to proclaim because of my Jesus, my life is never the same.
So I’ll continue being refined and deny myself,
I must die to self.
To pick up that cross each day, because once again my life will never be the same.
Bound and I’m captivated by the essence of a love that brings salvation.
A love that one day will return.
Bound and Captivated.
In you Lord.
Because of you there is freedom for the captives,
Grace in place of grace already given.
Bound, Captivated, Free.
Free.
This is Freedom.
Freedom in Christ.
Bound by His Love.
Captivated by His grace.
Redeemed by His blood.
Being made new in His image.