fo geh abou eh
So, there are some people in your life that just crave negative attention. They somehow gravitate towards you, and deep down inside you wish you could...well, let's not even go there.
I remember as a little girl getting dressed up for the first day of school. Mom would buy us, (my siblings and I), 2 new sets of clothing. One for the first day and the next for the next, then it was back to last years catwalk. Oh how I disliked the thought of going to the Salvation Army to get clothes, or any type of hand me downs, hand me some new clothes for crying out loud!
I dress for success. Whether I'm in a pair of leggings I'm bout to work out=success or in my pjs a successful night of zzzs.
There's always that one person (s) that just don't get you.
First day of anything was always hard for me. I don't like to be the new girl anywhere, because I draw attention. I've been told "Kim, you present yourself as confident when you walk in a room." Or, "you know what you want and people are intimidated by you."
What? I'm just minding my own business. For realz, I am uncomfortable, feel less than and am wondering if a booger is flying out my nose and will anyone let me know of this collected dust and ball of mucus floated abound? Sounds nasty, I know.
So, what do you do when you don't know how else to be for people to like you.
FOU GEH ABOU EHHHHHH! Seriously, Forget about it. Once again (as I remind myself) Forget about it.
What people think of you, like my bro says "is not your business." Ouch! That hurts. I so want people to like me. But I can't stop being who I was created to be to please others, then I am not being who God created me to be.
I've asked many throughout my life; like this one time at a workplace, "why doesn't so and so like me? I don't understand, what did I do?" the response..."Well, you're a pretty, your confident, you're talented. She's just jeoulous." FOH GEH ABOU EH. Sure was the truth in that situation.
Most of the time...it's women.... Oh comparison troll...I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus.
But you see, when in said situation my response was to continue being me, minding my business, hair done, walk upright, don't slouch it's not good for your back, and Versace perfume the final touch. Ima be me. I deserve to be me, just as they deserve to be them.
I can't change who I am, and neither should you. Now, let me elaborate.
You come into a new school, workplace, Church, where ever. You walk in, you're nervous because you don't want to set up any expectations in your mind about how this is going to go. You introduce yourself to others, because if you don't either you have a chip on your shoulder or you're weird.
WHAT!!! PEOPLE!!! YOU CAN NOT PLEASE EVERYONE!
Forgive my inner self for the boldness and !!! and capitol letters. I'm trying to resist the urge to scream because this is just plain ol' crazy.
So then you share little because if you share too much you're boasting, if you hold back well, you're hiding something.
Then you go home, exhausted because now you have to face them again either the next day, the next week or at the next event. Wow, I'm exhausted right now.
Crying on the way home, hiding my face from others on the bus ride home, I feared going back. "Nobody liked me. No one said anything to me." I gave into that fear for many years. The fear of rejection.
Oh how many times has this happened to me? Well, too many and it actually happened recently. Then sitting at a gathering God kindly reminded me, "Kimberly, It's not about you."
"Thanks God... Thank. you, God. You're right God! Forgive me God. You love me God. You are worthy God. You Chose me God to be an example, I will walk where you tell me to."
That was the conversation with the Lord. It was just what I needed. I don't need phony, hypocrisy. I don't need others validation because they as much as me are flawed.
I need more of Jesus. I don't need to try because I am who He says I am. What I do need to continue doing is being me in His image. Check my motives.
Do you check your motives when you're struggling being you? Sometimes we have to, if not we are probably being selfish and prideful. This is what I mean by being you.
It's not just saying "well I'm not changing for anyone, this is how I am." No, It's realizing that the one we should always look to for direction, love, affirmation to change us is God, not man or self.
Friend, just be who God created you to be. In all your flaws you are restored, redeemed, loved, empowered, chosen, with purpose, validated, equipped, called, the apple of His eye, more than a conqueror, Light.
God brings darkness into light. You don't have anything to prove. If you love God, people will see it eventually.
So whether I am at the gym, grocery store, Church or home, whatever I wear and how I present myself is to glorify God. May that be the desire of my heart.
BE encouraged and remember....FOH GEH ABOU EHHH